Setting Aside the Blinders

Speaking as an average man among fellow average men, the idea that the average man – ESPECIALLY the average Christian – is picky about women is completely absurd. I don’t need to look up statistics to back this up. I’m telling you right now, it is an utterly ridiculous thing to think. Speaking for myself alone, my baseline for the sort of person I’d be willing to date – that is, consider marrying – is extremely broad. Age between 19 and 25, maybe 26, hair color irrelevant, height irrelevant, weight anywhere from slightly overweight (just slightly) to thin, chest size more or less irrelevant (I have my preferences because I’m a guy, but this would not be a dealbreaker with an otherwise pretty girl).

Education irrelevant, money irrelevant, living place irrelevant unless it’s particularly stupid (live with your parents fine, live with your ex/with a random dude who is “just living with you, nothing’s going on” no thanks).

What exactly am I looking for? Ah, here’s the rub. My standards probably WOULD be called picky despite all of this, because I would only date:

  • Somebody who is against premarital sex and has no kids, or – in a very rare, very specific, extreme situation, where both sides are thoroughly confident of the relationship going forward and how it should progress – a widow. This probably sounds strange to you, so before you jump down my throat, hear me out below.
  • A Christian at LEAST, a Catholic preferably, or at least Orthodox
  • A weekly churchgoer who makes Mass/service a priority
  • Anti-abortion. This is the mother of all dealbreakers. I don’t consider people who are pro-murder.
  • Somebody who doesn’t froth at the mouth when they hear the word “Trump”
  • Somebody who takes their faith seriously, AKA, is not a leftist. Nobody who wants to live the faith as actually commanded by God can be a leftist.
  • Is not a land whale.
  • If a Protestant, is not opposed to living a Catholic centered lifestyle, e.g. the children are raised Catholic, no contraception.
  • A marital debit is acknowledged. Verbally acknowledges that she would have sex with me on a frequent basis and when asked.
  • No kids, widow or no
  • Does not self identify as feminist

When push comes to shove I’d probably be stricter than this and might be missing something, so if you find yourself gasping at some obvious dealbreaker I missed, it probably is a dealbreaker and I forgot to mention it.

Dalrock has pointed out that a little feminism in a young women is basically impossible to avoid. What’s important is how she reacts to the more conservative Christian ideals. Does she recoil in disgust, or is she willing to hear you out and attempt to come to terms with your beliefs? As a bonus this will tell you how willing she would be to listen to you overall.

Here’s the thing: For the AVERAGE Christian, most of what I said should probably have you saying “duh”. If you have some problem with something I wrote: Take a good long look at the compromises you are willing to make to yourself and God.

And remember – these are the broad things, stuff that I would try and figure out at least by the first date, or bare minimum in the first 3. Why not just “a virgin”, flat out? Because it’s an unusually personal question to ask within the first couple of dates. Rest assured that if I learn my date is not a virgin, that would be grounds for out immediately.

Again, you are probably looking at some of what I wrote – living situation, debt, education – as red flags. I’m not saying that stuff isn’t important, I’m saying it wouldn’t disqualify a get-to-know-you date.

Okay. Long prelude. So why did I write all of this?

Because women – Christian and otherwise – are lying to themselves.

There are good Christian gentlemen – men, with an e, as in there are multiple men out there – who are perfectly willing to date and marry good Christian women. You are lying if you are saying these people are not around or don’t exist or you’re only finding men who try to “bait and switch” you. Lying to yourself perhaps, but lying.

Be honest: What you really men is that there are no good Christian men out there who you actually find attractive enough to consider dating. 

The dating system is ahistorical. It’s what we have, but you should not assume its rules in advance. Men approaching first is not the “traditional” way to go! It’s the way the current dating system assumes is traditional. If there are shy, quiet men who nevertheless go to Church every day, absolutely nothing stops, or should stop, Christian women from approaching them first. No rule is being broken and nothing bad is inherently baked into this approach.

I know what you want to say. “What sort of man is too afraid to approach a woman? Are they the sort of man who would make a good husband? Why are you trying to push the onus off of you/make excuses?”

Stop, woman. Stop doing that and think for a moment about what you just said. You, hypothetical woman, just proved my point. You are willing to leave potentially God-fearing, Churchgoing Christian men behind because of personal hangups and assumptions you have made, assumptions that may or may not be true, that you can’t know aren’t true, because you are actively making the choice not to try.

“But men should still have enough courage and self esteem too – ”

Stop. We are discussing you, not men. Stop blaming men for your issues. If you cannot find good Christian men, then you yourself have hangups you need to deeply consider. Let the men worry about their issues. They are not relevant to what you should be doing.

Think about what my criteria actually boils down to. Essentially, I would be willing to date – not marry, but potentially vet further to see if a woman would make a good match for marriage, which is all that dating is should be – a young woman who takes reasonably good care of her body and goes to Church weekly, to the point that she appears to be taking her faith seriously. I’d go on a couple of dates if you proved that you really are serious about your faith and don’t have deepseated, unresolved personal issues. That’s really it.

If your criteria is narrower than that, that is actually fine! Just stop whining. The good men don’t want to hear it.

A public service announcement from Malcolm the Cynic.

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New Year’s Resolutions?

No. I don’t believe in them. My experience is that they have turned into more of a joke than anything and folks don’t take them seriously.

Now, I DO believe in goal setting, and I have set goals for myself. However, the turning of the year has not changed those goals; they remain what they always were.

As far as goals relevant to the public, I have none specifically writing wise. I don’t feel all that comfortable setting writing goals when more pressing projects occuly my attention. That said, there are several short stories I intend to write and novels I intend to start. So look out for them, especially the shorts. Plus an anthology I need to work on…

As far as 2018 went,vlittle was accomplished in terms of writing but as far as happenings in my personal life I’d say that overall things went from looking meh to looking up. So I consider the year a success, and not a small reason for that is that I started going to Mass regularly for the first time in, well, ever, actually.

Here’s to an even better 2019. Happy new year and more importantly conrinue having a Merry Christmas, gents.

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Oh, hey, that’s happening?

Oh yeah, a literal civil war is happening throughout France. And yet it isn’t the top story on every news network and every online news site and every magazine in the country.

Huh. Weird. Wonder why.

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Catholic Dating Advice

My Pagan Date Treated Me Better Than my Christian Date

“This is against my better judgement,” I thought to myself…

…as I got ready for a date with a man who I would describe as the best-looking guy I have ever encountered in real life.

Clearly, this guy had looks and this suave charisma going for him (don’t those two always seem to go hand-in-hand?), but I knew they were coming at a cost. Though Mr. Good-looking had stated moral beliefs that definitely opposed my own, I was too excited to go on a date with someone I actually liked to think thoroughly through the situation.

The date was awesome, and before I knew it the night was coming to a close. I found myself on his rooftop, with my second (or was it my third?) drink in hand, sitting way closer to him than I would have had anyone else been around.

I was so disenchanted with “good men” of upright moral standing. So I started dating the opposite type.

As a girl of strong-moral character and conviction, I was aghast at myself for being in that situation to begin with.

Strong moral character. You don’t say. I wonder what happened next?

It was in the midst of that compromising setting that I was completely floored by the reverence that this guy showed for me.

Though he could have easily attempted to make the night go a very different way, this guy (the pagan one, remember?) gave me a kiss on the forehead, told me that he respected me, and proceeded to get me home at a decent hour in one piece. Never had I ever been treated that well before by any guy, Christian or not. It’s true that when a man loves a woman, he has a profound sense of responsibility for her. He seeks what is best for her rather than his own interests. Now I’m not saying this guy loved me after one date, but did his actions not just express that genuine love and respect?

Indeed. Here we have a half drunk woman getting increasingly close to a man she’s alone with and insanely attracted to, but if you do anything but kiss her on the forehead and send her home you’re just not showing her that genuine love and respect.

It is truly shameful that there are no good Christian men out there who won’t pursue sex with women who are throwing themselves at them in compromising situations. Shameful, I say.

So what is the lesson here?

Well:

I’ve had my fair share of doubts from past dating relationships, but this experience has taught me that good men will rise to the standard that women set for them. Rather than categorizing men based off of their stated religious beliefs, be open to encountering their goodness; you may find it in the most unlikely of places.

That’s right men, rise to her standard. If only we had the standards of a Church girl getting half drunk on a date with a Pagan, the world would be a better place.

Where have all the good men gone, again?

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This is all, I swear

Didja ever notice Vox Day is as wrong on predictions as everybody else?

Called a Trumpslide: Wrong. Trump loses the popular vote, only wins the electoral vote.

Called the House several hours before votes were in: Ouch. This is “Dewey Beats Truman” stuff.

Conclusion: Vox is just some guy, huh?

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A Marriage and an Engagement

Recently a close friend of mine got engaged, and a friendly acquaintance I have worked with recently and communicate with regularly got married.

It is impossible not to think of marriage at a point like this. I don’t like talking about my personal life so I don’t. I’m sure people can figure out a lot by implication and assumption. That’s fine; for now it stays implication and assumption. You’ll learn more about my private life when I decide it isn’t private, and that may well be never. I’m just not the sort of guy who prefers mouthing off about that sort of thing in public regularly. I’ll never get the folks who ask for detailed advice about their sex life via blog posts, though I genuinely wish them well.

I am still out there writing, mostly through Castalia House and Superversive SF. The main reason I let this blog go by the wayside is a simple one: I’m too opinionated. I mouth off too much about stuff I don’t know nearly enough about. And I lack the experience to offer anything like guidance.

What I really enjoy doing, and I’m sure this sounds very strange to everyone but me, is critical analysis of fiction. I find it fun and fascinating. This why “You watch too much TV” doesn’t really register with me: Try watching TV like I do, pal. Some day, and probably not TOO far off, I’ll package some of my nonfiction into book form and make it a little more monetarily productive, though I like to think that every bit of cultural influence helps. I have other stuff going on in my life as well, and for the first time in awhile I don’t feel like I’m constantly wasting time, which is great.

Where am I going with this tangent? Eh, not too far. What I’m getting at is, I’m at the point in life where people my age and even younger are taking their next steps, and I’m trying to figure out how much this should bother me, if at all. On reflection…I think I’m fine right now. I am back going to Church regularly and work out daily, both of which are incredibly healthy. I make an effort to actively enrich myself every day and expect to start working more in my chosen field more soon, which is awesome. I started to dress better. I have a hobby I find fun.

It is impossible not to feel a little left behind looking at the wonderful stuff going on in my friends’ lives, but there’s no time fo wallow. There’s work to be done, and I have to keep moving forward.

And you know what, it actually feels pretty good.

Please pray for both of my friends, if you’re the type.

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No, racism is not “any belief that makes race out to be much more significant than it really is”

No, nobody uses the word this way. Not in casual conversation, not colloquially, never. And it is trivially easy to prove.

This definition of racism makes no moral claims.

When people refer to somebody as “racist”, they are almost always making a negative moral claim about that person – claiming that they are immoral for holding these beliefs.

Therefore this cannot be the definition they are using.

Why yes, I did have somebody say this to me with a straight face. Why do you ask?

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