So I was discussing things with a friend and remembered reading an article about how romantic attraction was a choice. I couldn’t remember where I first read it, but after a quick Google I found it here. And against my better judgment – and it was my better judgment, believe me – I got sucked into some of the articles.
I sound harsh. The blog actually isn’t that bad at all. There’s some good stuff there – like the article I previously linked. But articles like this piss me off – basically an article trying to be an advertisement for online dating.
Instead, my options could very likely be “marry a man who is right for me and lives far away vs. not get married at all.”
And that was when I rethought my willingness to move.
I will grant that there are some people who cannot relocate for a relationship. Yes, I’m looking at you, Mr. or Ms. Children At Home Part Time. I have yet to encounter a situation that I believe would justify moving away from a minor child. Others may have similar responsibilities that they legitimately can’t leave. But beyond that, I’m not sure there are a whole lot of ironclad reasons to insist on staying put.
My family, friends, and job are all here.
You say, “But my family is here. My friends are here! My job is here! I love my gym! I don’t want to give all of that up.” Of course you don’t. Neither do I. I live in God’s country. I have built a very successful business here. I live near my brothers and sisters, whom I love. But would I give all of that up for a happy marriage to the right man? I’m pretty sure I would.
See, I find this insulting. It implies that the reason I won’t search the country and move 300 miles away to marry the woman of my dreams is because I don’t value marriage enough. But there is a much, much simpler reason:
Let’s go through the hypotheticals here.
Let’s say, using this site, I find a wonderful woman who lives, oh, forty hours away by car. We get to know each other, through skype and online. We get along well!
Now the time has come to meet her in person. I could either:
A) Take a plane. Hundreds of dollars at least
B) Take a car. That’s money lost I could be making at work, money lost in gas, and a hell of a lot of time lost, including money spent at a motel. We’re talking hundreds of dollars again probably.
And what am I going to do? Say hi, grab a cup of coffee, and leave?
Spend a weekend together?
All right. What if we don’t click?
This isn’t entirely hypothetical. I actually know flesh and blood people who have talked to folks online, chatted, skyped, had seemingly great chemistry…then went on a single date and decided it was not to be. And it wasn’t a bad deal for them, because they were within driving distance of each other, and I mean a day trip where you’re back home in time to watch the ballgame.
Articles like this are telling me to take this sort of chance on a person I have never met in person because maybe, one day, I’ll be so in love with them I’d be willing to uproot my entire life and move next to them.
And what if the one date goes well? That date wasn’t cheap, right? How rich exactly does Catholicmatch think people are? When will the next date be, another three months? Six? How is this courtship process supposed to work?
I guess they’re trying to find people rich enough to fill their coffers.
Blech. Just annoying.