Maybe it’s Just Me

But I never fully got the whole “crush” thing.

I don’t mean a normal “I’m attracted to you but am nervous about telling you” crush. That’s normal. I mean the “Secretly, I’m in love with you” crush.

If somebody isn’t interested or available, just mov eon. Don’t try to cultivate those sorts of feelings.

I don’t know. This seems to be a fairly universal part of the human experience. I just don’t get it.

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8 Responses to Maybe it’s Just Me

  1. Ilíon says:

    I don’t really understand what you’re talking about here.

    Are you talking about some (demented) situation in which Person A has a “crush” on Person B —
    * But, never says or does anything about it, because —
    – Person A is too afraid to do so, or
    – Person D is already “involved” with Person C
    * Nonetheless, Person A continues to obsess over her/his “crush” on Person B
    * And, somehow, Person B is supposed to just know about the “crush”
    * AND, somehow, Person B is supposed to “fix” the “problem”

    That kind of thing?

    • More like, unrequited love, basically. The concept of loving somebody who just doesn’t love you back. Wanting to ask them out and not having the courage I get, but really falling in love? Being obsessed with somebody who just isn’t interested? I don’t get that.

      • Ilíon says:

        The term (and concept) “falling in love” may be part of the problem, for there is no such thing as “falling in love” — love isn’t some overwhelming that just happens to a person; it’s a decision.

        “Unrequited love” does involve obsessing over the object of the “love” but never doing anything about it, so I wasn’t totally off the mark.

      • Pretty much.

        What got me thinking about it was “The Office”. Now, I’m actually surprised at how much I’m loving the Jim/Pam romance in it (sales guy and receptionist, btw)…I think mostly because of Jenna Fischer’s performance. Her smile is so honestly infectious that just seeing it puts you in a good mood.

        But the early seasons had a whole unrequited love thing going on, with Pam engaged but both of them obviously head over heels for each other. Now, this actually ended up being really great TV (the writers played it perfectly), but in the back of my mind I’m just thinking “Really, Jim? There’s really no way you can just accept it as a crush and move on to somebody else?”

        I don’t know. I just don’t get it. Good TV, though.

        (One of the reasons I’m really loving the show is how well the Jim/Pam romance has worked. Ross/Rachel was incredibly annoying, and while Leonard and Penny were nice the writing on that show wasn’t nearly as good as on “The Office”. It’s surprisingly enjoyable to see – liking that sort of subplot this much is quite out of character for me.)

  2. Yeah I’ve noticed most extroverts have problems grasping how introverts think. 😉 😛

  3. Ilíon says:

    ‘Grasping’ involves ‘understanding’, which involves ‘thinking’ and ‘reflecting’ … and, well, when was the last time an extrovert attempted that?

  4. I never liked the extrovert/introvert dichotomy very much. I’ve seen way too many people who just don’t fit easily into that spectrum, myself included.

    I’d love to be more social. I don’t get “exhausted” during social interactions. I’m just not very good at it, and don’t have much time.

    One of my readers (apologies to whoever they are, as I’m forgetting who specifically at the moment) likened social skills as a foreign language, and I find that to be an excellent analogy. If I don’t practice it, I won’t be good at it.

    And yet, I’m quite good at faking it at my retail job, to the point where somebody actually opined to me that I seemed to really enjoy my job (I do not, but I DO need it, and there are worse jobs…).

    I dunno. The introvert/extrovert thing just seems way too simplistic to me.

  5. GRA says:

    I operate on a similar plain when it comes to attraction. If the woman I like is taken it’s an automatic “turn-off” in that I don’t entertain the idea of us together. Being friends truly is the best situation. If the woman I find attractive is my boss or co-worker, the same thing, but even more “Oh hell no. Check your hormones at the door.”

    It started during my high school years when several girls had “crushes” on me, but I barely knew them, or at least I wasn’t interested in dating at that time – so I suggested that friendship would be best, and if feelings developed on my side then the possibility of a romantic relationship would be there.

    How I adopted this outlook is a mystery to me. I just felt that that it was more logical and mature way to go about relationships that could end up with a child.

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