This guy gets it. Right?
Yeah, a 34 year old teacher banged her sixteen year old student. Naturally, of course, this means the student is totally cool and people are unfairly persecuting the poor hot teacher who banged her underage student.
Some gem lines:
Now, she’s getting charged with felony rape, and Legend [Because, of course, the statutory rape victim is a legend because he banged his hot teacher. Get it?] has to put up with a presumably constant stream of high-fives from his peers. It’s believed that the pair had sex on many occasions, including a car outside a church parking lot. Wow, this story keeps getting
Yeah, the law totally doesn’t count and what the teacher did was a-okay because kids think what he did was cool! Did you know that graffiti should be totes legal since lots of kids find it mad awesome?
Sorry for the misuse of slang. I’ve never really been in with the cool kids crowd.
If you didn’t think the article could get dumber, you were wrong.
While Legend admits that he consented to the multiple bangings, in Utah, it’s illegal for a teacher or authority figure to have sex with a person under 18. I understand why that law is in place, but c’mon, let’s get real. Any dude who is skilled enough to mack a 34-year-old so hard that she succumbs to his advances is clearly a man, and no longer a boy. I would grant him adult status and dismiss this case immediately.
We’re going to play a game here. It’s called “Let’s count all the ways this paragraph is mind-numbingly stupid”.
- Apparently a sixteen year old did something so unbelievably stupid as bang his 34 year old teacher, which he knew was illegal and which has gotten her (rightfully) in big trouble, SHOULD be classified as an adult. Responsibility? Fuck it, who cares if adults have responsibility. Sex? Hell yeah! Adults have SEX! And can manipulate other people into having sex! Totally an adult now!
- He understands why the law is in place, but come on, when it actually happens it shouldn’t count. No, really, according to his logic statutory rape between men and women is almost literally impossible.
Wow, only two. Tell you what, we’re going to triple the score to six since both reasons were extra stupid, and should thus count for extra points.
I think I’m going to lock myself away and spend the rest of my life writing sad poetry about the stupidity of man. I’ll have a lot of material.