On Shyness

People have told me that I “blush very easily”. This is true, but there is a reason for it.

I am shy. Unlike introversion, shyness is a bad thing, and it’s not necessarily correlated (though it probably is more than not). Shyness is, essentially, an irrational fear of talking to people. It is not the same as being antisocial, because I do not wish to be shy. It is something I most definitely am trying to overcome.

Since I am shy, when I make conversation I’m always afraid I’ll say something awkward or stupid (it’s no accident I express myself better in writing, when I have time to think over what I want to say and edit it if necessary). As a result, when somebody asks me something I don’t know how to answer without sounding awkward, weird, or stupid, I’ll blush. So, yes, this correlates particularly with romantic/sexual questions, which is unfortunate. And, yes, I’m especially bad at talking to members of the opposite sex, though I’m really shy around everybody.

But shy is not the same as quiet. The thing is, if I’m comfortable around people, or comfortable with the subject matter, it’s hard to get me to shut up – and this is true with men and women. Among my friends I am most certainly NOT the quiet one (or the only shy one, for that matter). I am also a very good public speaker and a decent actor. This is why I know my shyness is a completely irrational fear.

So, a memo to people who laugh when I blush and point it out: YES, I know that already, thank you. I am socially awkward, and trying to fix that. Laughing at me when I don’t know what to say might be funny to you, but it’s not to me. This is a real problem with me that I’m working to correct. So if you notice that I’m not comfortable, please don’t laugh at me or ask me questions that you know I’ll have trouble answering. Just try and make normal conversation, and I’ll handle it as best I can.

So, if you were wondering why I became so fascinated by game…well, now you know.

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