What Feminists Mean

I never really liked the whole “rationalization hamster” thing as a metaphor for denying reality, mostly because it was created by players to apply to women and I reject the idea that ONLY women have these hamsters (though I’ve noticed some people have started using the term with men too, albeit in a limited way).

However, after reading this post from Sunshine Mary it’s hard not to engage in a little hamsterlation. This one is especially tricky, because we’re translating from sarcasm, already a rather twisted form of language.

When a feminist says:

You’ve shown me the error of my ways in thinking I was a capable or self-sufficient human being. You’re right, I shouldn’t try to define myself – leave that to the men! They’re the ones that my worth derives from.

What she really means is…

A feminist friend of mine linked me to your blog and I was predisposed to despise it without actually taking anything you say seriously. Otherwise I’d know that you have never said that women’s worth derives from what men think of them, only that their worth does NOT derive from acting like a strong you go grrrrrrl.

A bit wordy, but that was a difficult one. Don’t worry! It gets easier!

When she says:

You’ve shown me that I’m not capable of living a life without a man, and that all a man really wants from me is submission.

What that actually means is…

Let me get this straight: I have sex with you, watch after the kids when you work, and cook, and you and the other men will do almost literally everything else?

Sweet deal!

And what she really means is:

I still don’t know what you actually meant when you said this stuff, Mary. But you hit lots of talking points, so I’m going to be VERY ANGRY!!!!

And we skip ahead.

When she says:

Who ever heard of a give and take relationship that didn’t involve a man taking my rights and me giving him everything else?

What she means is:

I don’t want any obligations at all in this relationship. Verbally I might say I do, but practically I have the nuke button.

When she says:

Someday, I’m going to look back on my life and realize that sacrificing all of my own wants and desires for my man was worth it. I mean, isn’t he the one who really deserves to be happy? He has the penis, after all.

What she means is:

I have a really warped sense of “value”, and don’t particularly care whether or not I make the man I love happy.

And finally, When she says:

But wait.. how can I trust or believe anything you’ve told me? After all, you’re a woman. You shouldn’t be blogging and speaking your mind.

What she means is:

You’d think that when I learn a fact about somebody that contradicts the version of them I have put together in my head, I might actually take it into account and adjust my view accordingly. Or you’d think that I would at least admit that I’d better understand this person’s position better before I criticize it. You’d be wrong!

I just couldn’t resist.

SSM, if you ever read this, please tell me if I’ve misrepresented you.

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